Sales criminals are attacking innocent inboxes again, and this time, they’re annoying prospects in a whole new way. Instead of sending rude and aggressive cold emails, some sales reps spam prospects with overly polite and annoyingly apologetic messages. This misguided sales rep is so afraid of offending anyone that she’ll never get a response, let alone close a deal.
What you’re about to see is an actual sales email that we’ve received in our own inbox, with names and pertinent details redacted. Prepare yourself – these sales crimes are real, and so are the clueless sales reps who hit send. We hope that by analyzing the worst of the worst sales emails, you will never make these terrible sales mistakes yourself.
Some sales reps have no idea how to write a sales email. These are their stories.
A Timid Proposition
Language is one of the most powerful sales tools in your arsenal, but it’s also the most misused. With every artfully-crafted sales email you write, you should think carefully about the words you choose and how you use them. Unfortunately, this sales criminal wasn’t thinking at all about which words would get a positive response from prospects while drafting this terrible email.
From the start, the email’s subject line sets a terrible tone – it couldn’t be more weak and unsure if the sales rep tried. Consider the words the rep chose to use here: “I am hoping you may help…” Hoping is already a weak verb, and then adding “may” weakens the sentence even further. Even worse is the use of ellipses (…) which makes it seem like the rep is trailing off quietly, without finishing the sentence. There is nothing compelling in the subject line that would entice a prospect to want to click this email.
If a prospect opens the email at all (which is unlikely), the body of the email continues the same trend of apologetic and weak-sounding words. The rep starts off the email by apologizing to the prospect, saying “sorry to trouble you.” This is an awful way to begin a mutually beneficial sales relationship. An apology makes the rep seem powerless and puts her at a disadvantage. The rep continues to use the same weak language throughout the email, saying “would you mind” instead of just asking for help directly and powerfully.
The email also talks about a “previous inquiry.” However, there was no inquiry made by the person who received this email. This is a lie — adding insult to annoying injury. Even worse, the rep has the nerve to ask for a referral to a decision-maker on the team, without ever earning the right to ask for a favor. Why would a prospect ever refer this unsure and uninteresting rep to their boss? From start to finish, this sales email is an utter disaster.
Improving the Pitch
This email is a tough one to save because it’s so weak and wishy-washy. There’s barely a call to action, hardly any value proposition, and it spends more time apologizing than offering value. A better email would use more powerful words and more direct sentences without any weak modifiers.
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Confident Sales Rep
This email is direct, powerful, and completely confident. It states facts clearly, explains an interesting value proposition, and offers a strong CTA at the end. Instead of apologizing for the interruption, this cold sales email assumes that you have the right to talk to a prospect and are offering them something worth their time and money.
Hopefully, now you will never even consider sending a cold email with this type of terrible sales tactic in the future. Keep an eye out for the next edition of True Crimes: Cold Sales Emails for more lessons in perfecting your pitch.